How to compensate for being an Accommodator

cirque, dompteur dans une cageI have just entered the Lion’s Den.  The arena where for most people the stakes are as high as they get.

You guessed: we’re moving house, and have entered into negotiations on the house of our dreams.  The emotions are running high, and a natural Accommodator like me is at some risk.

Why?  Because as someone who, when conflict is in the air,  tends to worry about other peoples’ needs as much as, if not more than, his own, I am not necessarily going to naturally achieve the best deal possible in what will be the single biggest purchase of my life. I don’t like offending people or being rude, so playing hard ball (Competing) is not something I do naturally or indeed well.  At least I’m aware of it, and I have come up with a cunning plan to address this weakness.

I have partnered up with someone who is far LESS accommodating than I to handle the negotiation.  He’s an Independent Financial Advisor whom I have got to know well over the last 18 months.  He knows how these things work as he is a mortgage broker, who has seen it all before.  He has no emotional attachment to the house we have set our hearts on, and has readily taken up the mantle on our behalf of driving to find the best deal available.

I am amazed at the difference between our mindsets.  I had in my mind an opening offer that I would have made if left to my own devices.  Stephen has made an offer nearly 3 times lower than that.  His opening bid is almost 3 times further from the asking price than I would have had the  audacity to propose.  What’s more, he means it, and when I heard him position the offer to the estate agent it was utterly credible.  If I had tried to position it, I think it unlikely that the agent would have seen it as genuine.  As it turned out, the agent told him that this was a reasonable offer, and “very much in tune with the market we are in.”

Of course we have some way to go before the deal is agreed, but with Stephen’s mindset on the case, I have no doubt that we will achieve a deal tens of thousands of pounds better than I would have.  How scary is that?  I guess in my defence I can say I am aware of my weakness, and have compensated accordingly.  Might be a strategy we Accommodators could use more often, when it’s worth doing and the stakes are high.

© PackShot –

About Michael Brown Training

I'm a business skills trainer, facilitator and coach. I've been helping people to learn for 16 years, working all around the world on topics such as Negotiation, Conflict Handling, Sales, Leadership, Consulting and Personal Effectiveness. I'm an ENFP, constantly looking for new and inspiring things to do. I love my job for its variety and the stimulation I get from it, and spend most of my time seeing how far we can go with the subjects we work on in the training room. I've recently started a new venture in making video on how NOT to do things, which you can find at
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One Response to How to compensate for being an Accommodator

  1. Pingback: Handling Conflict Effectively

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